**Disclaimer** This post is about reducing the influence of the ego, and it is written by me, a person who is currently on what can be viewed by some (my father, for example, love you dad) as a hypocritical year-long ego trip, as my wife and I are worsening the climate crisis by flying around the world for a year (flying is one of the worst things you can possibly do to the environment).  That being said, being away from the U.S. has allowed me to view the current situation with a new lense.  

In the past three months during our travels through Senegal, Ghana, and Rwanda, my wife Joanna and I have seen a trend in how some of the people we have met behave in comparison with trends we see in the United States.  The difference lies in “the ego.” The ego is you and your ideological groups’ feelings and moral standing in society. The phenomenon that we have regularly seen on this journey is the prioritization of the collective over the self.  Here are two examples:

Example 1:

I prioritize having a difficult, uninterrupted run, so I can release the maximum amount of happy chemicals into my body.  So, I run with my headphones in. Joanna runs without her headphones, and everywhere she goes, a group runs with her. Not to race her, but to run with her.  Maybe this is looking to deeply into it, but it seems to me that in these impromptu running groups, both parties realize that running is a good thing – it improves one’s quality of life, and when you can run with someone, it is better than running alone.  

On my ego-runs, I pass groups of runners.  Very few others besides me run alone. In more cases than not, the oncoming runners acknowledge me, and we exchange a nod, a smile, and sometimes, applause and the closed-fist rah-rah hands that olympians do on their victory lap.   There is no comparison of speed, just the recognition that each party is doing the best they can for the whole, and that even if this egocentric mzungu (Kinyarwandan for “white person/traveler”) with his wireless bluetooth headphones and iPhone is running alone, I’m still going to show that we are in this together.  

Thought Exercise 1:

A. What did my ego want?

To run, and to run fast!

B. What is really important and pragmatic?

– That we are each running, that we are not alone

– That we encourage each other 

– That we both finish our run 

Example 2:

On a 3.5 hour bus trip from the west coast of Rwanda to central Kigali, we sat in the 5-across back row of the bus.  A woman nursing a baby had the window seat to my left with an open seat separating us. The bus loaded up more passengers as we made our way to Kigali, and the once-open seat was eventually filled.  To nurse her baby comfortably, she had to sit a bit sideways, her legs now pushing against the man in the seat to my left, which in turn, pushed his legs into mine. My egocentric mzungu ass was pissed.  It was hot and sweaty, the bus smelled bad, the road was bumpy, and the woman in the other window seat in our row was throwing up. I even tried to rearrange some bags to give myself some more leg room, inconveniencing the breastfeeding woman and her baby.  Only two hours later, once the seat between us opened up, was I able to realize my ego-trip.  

Thought Exercise 2:

What did my ego want?

To have my space.  My subconscious patriarchal identity made me HEATED that this woman thought she could woman-spread into my space – which I PAID FOR – on this hot ass, bumpy, no-air-circulation-having bus. 

What is really important and pragmatic, and what can I do?

1. That this baby and his mother are comfortable and healthy

2. That we all get to our destination safely

3. Take a hint from the guy who is actually sitting next to her – he is sacrificing, why can’t you? Your the one in their country. 

I choose to believe that the actions of the runners and the people on the bus are morally superior to the hyper-individualist actions we have come to accept as normal and essential to the American Dream (this is MY RUN, this is MY SPACE that I PAID FOR). And the thing is, progressives (myself especially included!) can be guilty of this every day, especially in the light of the unending 5-minute news cycle, and especially-especially right now with the impeachment inquiry. 

I only came to this conclusion after having breakfast with Deborah, a cheery, easy-going 2-time Peace Corps Alumni (Bosnia, Swaziland) woman who has split her time for the last 9 years between Colorado and Rwanda, where she is building a sustainable eco-lodge while serving as a volunteer English tutor to tourist industry workers. The night before, overlooking the curved coastline of terraced farm hills that end in Lake Kivu, a gigantic lake separating Rwanda and the DRC, we had discussed all the details of the impeachment inquiry and how Trumpism has affected our relationships with family and friends.  We were overlooking what I consider to be the most beautiful scene on the face of the earth, but it didn’t feel like it. Deborah was visibly upset when explaining to me how some relationships she once treasured no longer exist at all, which is part of the reason why she has found purpose and spends so much time in Rwanda. She asked me, “how can I go about talking to my family and friends about this?” 

It all hit me at once (well, sort of – with a lot of help and inquiries from Joanna).  My addiction to the news cycle and the latest on impeachment; the deep resentment I feel toward those close to me who believe differently than me; Deborah’s pain from her strained relationship with her former best friend; the memes I re-post; my father’s incessant diatribes about the same subject – it all comes from the ego, and is actually counterproductive to the outcomes we say that we want. We behave like this and put our efforts into solving these issues because we prioritize our ego – being right, feeling morally superior – over what is pragmatic for the best outcome for everyone – ending Trumpism and winning the battle vs. the climate crisis.  

What if for each minute we spent checking the news, complaining of the climate-crisis-denying in laws, and googling the likelihood of us ever seeing Trump’s tax returns, we spent 2 minutes registering voters, fighting voter suppression (see Stacey Abrams’ initiative, Fair Fight), canvassing, or working for social justice and sustainability in our own communities?  This would require us to flip our priorities, and place what is pragmatic ahead of what makes us feel good.  This may hurt to hear, but those conservatives who we bitch and moan about for being so selfish and so self-involved that they voted for Trump just to preserve their own unearned wealth (even though we know its about way more than that); we are just as egocentric.  Instead of prioritizing our personal accumulation of wealth (or perpetuating race-based privilege), we prioritize our personal accumulation of moral superiority and number of responses on our forwarded New York Times articles to burnt out hippies we met at the coffee shop.  

Thought Exercise 3: Moving Forward

Situation: 6:30 AM, your phone wakes you up.

What does my ego want?

– Catch up on the highest-rated, most talked about reality TV show ever known as the Trump Presidency

– Check CNN! See what fuckery the GOP has accomplished in the last 8 hours.  What did McConnel say? Where is their backbone!? What is Devin Nunes up to? Where is their backbone!? Did any retiring congressmen say anything that remotely resembles a response to reality? WHERE IS THEIR BACKBONE!?

– Then check Fox News!  See what kind of Simone Biles-moves Hannity pulled to patriotize blatant crimes (Or will the crimes be so blatant that they pivot to headline a thinly-veiled version of Breitbart’s top “Black Crime” story or a story involving an homicidal alligator in Florida?)

– Send a text or email to your ideologically-aligned friends.  Bitch, moan, and look down upon this man and those who support him.  

What is pragmatic to ensure we can have the best quality of life for all people, especially those marginalized, who we claim to be allies of:

– Take care of myself so that I have the energy, clarity of mind, and motivation to act outside of the interests of my ego

– Figure out what my strengths are and where my efforts could best be used (phone banking? registering voters? fundraising?)

– Still stay aware of current events, but keep in mind the Senate is what counts if we really want to see real change in 2020

Anger and outrage are emotions that result in action.  But, the news cycle is 5-minutes for a reason. Both CNN and Fox News have done very well because of Trump.  The more we watch and read, the more they earn. I’m not saying forget about staying woke and holding people accountable, I’m just saying everytime you catch yourself going down the rabbit hole when you wake up, before you fall asleep, while your waiting in line, while you’re stuck in traffic, ask yourself:

– What is my motivation for doing this?

– Is this the best use of my time and expertise?

– What will this accomplish?

The hope is that by asking these questions of ourselves now, that on the morning of Wednesday, November 4th, 2020, we won’t be asking “what went wrong?”; “what could I have done instead?”; “how are we and our planet going to survive 4 more years of this?”